McCain n' Abel

This past saturday I observed a man, not much older than myself, in moon boots and shorts removing our local Obama/Biden sign from the green belt in front of my apartment. I made eye contact with him and raised my arms in a "why" expression and he yelled "Obama is a Marxist" while he gave me the thumbs down and nervously got back in his car. I could have chased him down or gotten his license plate number, but I figure just being him is perpetual punishment for being such a tool. Not like his vote is going to matter in this state anyway. Who wears moon boots?

This entry is for all you conservatives in red states, that is, the ones Obama hasn't already nailed down. Come on all you conservatives out there. Seriously? John McCain? Come on! After he rubbed elbows with Ted Kennedy(I know, I know, the murderer) on his immigration bill? He has repeatedly taunted you in the past in front of the media. Are you that desperate?

Ok, I know you couldn't vote for your fav on account of the fact that he is a mormon. There are even some of you die-hards out there that wanted Huckabee and his plan to eliminate the IRS. Though I did like his immigration plan. ---->

Come on, what's wrong with Barack?? You definitely didn't want Billary to get the nomination! He's not trying to take your guns away, he just doesn't want deranged psychopaths running around with assault rifles.

I have a special place in my heart for McCain too, I'm just not in a hurry to declare war on the entire middle east, 2 countries is enough for me. Bush is already trying to whittle away at Syria and Pakistan, we definitely don't need a modern day Genghis Khan running the White House. We want him in the senate raising hell with our other feral senators(Clinton, Frank, oh the shenanigans).

This is my plea. You don't like John McCain and he doesn't like you. He won you over with Palin and it helped you rationalize your choice. Do the world a favor and when you fill out your ballot, write in Ron Paul or Chuck Norris. Like my dad says, you can look forward to whining for the next 4 years. I can't wait to hear you all whining like little babies.

I'll just leave you with this last image, it always leaves me with a big ol' smile. I can jus feel the man love.

The Future

Anyone who has flown recently is probably well acquainted with the joys of modern day airplane travel. To ensure your boarding of the appropriate flight, you have to get there early enough to make sure that all your little toiletries are divided up into the most recent allowable amounts and divvied into the correct size of plastic bag. Security seems to be mainly preoccupied with this and seeing your bare feet.

Once you're in the "secure" area of an airport, you are stuck until your flight. If you get hungry, you have your choice of expensive, disgusting food. If you get bored, you have your choice of tabloids and Oprah magazines. If you get really bored, check out the bathrooms. It's likely that there is a pervert or a senator in there that'd be more than happy to cop a feel.

My most recent experience included a delayed flight, 4 attempts to land the plane, and a sprint to make my connecting flight. Not to mention flight attendants that obviously had nothing but contempt for the passengers and a captain that sounded slightly drunk over the PA. Overall, it was all that I had hoped for and more! It was just the right balance of inefficiency and anxiety. To top it off, the driver for the shuttle we took back to our car seemed to be drinking buddies with our captain.

Why do we travel by plane? Because we have no alternative!! I bring you pneumatic tube travel.

Just think of it: You crawl into a padded capsule and strap in. It's that easy!! once the infrastructure is in place, it'd be entirely carbon neutral. It would also create a whole new industry for jobs. You can add this to the list of reasons why I should rule all of existence. This and my plan to safely hurl toxic waste into the sun using an enormous trebuchet. I must mention that this idea may never have been planted in my all-powerful intellect if it hadn't been for my sister's high school physics project. I mention this, because she is one of the 2 people who read this blog.

Anyway, Marcel Marceau thinks it's a fine idea, and that's all the approval that this genius needs...